The Thing

My name is Mary, and I'm writing my second story here because although I've read many people's stories about being confused about what they are, I don't belong in any of the categories that I've read about.

Although I'm not really sure about what I am, I was always more mature than other people. I always wondered and thought it was weird for other people to discriminate others for their looks and personalities, whereas I just liked every one (and if I didn't like them, it didn't mean I disliked them!) I had no discrimination whatever towards other people. When I was in 6th grade, I tried several things to make the world (at least my school, anyway) a better place, but failed continuously because my classmates just wouldn't understand. My frustration of the "corruption" most people were reached its peak, and then, BOOM! I became a misanthrope, and began to dislike general people due to "evil."

However, this was only a minor thing, compared to what I'm going through now. After shunning away other people for quite a long time, I finally managed to "fit in," and tolerate the society I was in a little. For awhile, I was quite happy, in a shallow way (I just couldn't feel happy, but now, I'm cautiously trying out happiness).

Then, the "thing" came into my life. In my consciousness, I divided myself into the "human" part that was in some ways corrupt but happy, and the "thing," that was never happy, even dangerous maybe. This "thing" just kicked in sometimes in my regular life, and I would change to a whole new person! I would grab people, and ask them befuddling questions, like, "Why do you live?" "Do you know You?" "Who are you inside your mind?" I would seriously ponder and feel disgust for the humans (which I felt was lower than me in intelligence of KNOWING-it's not related to human activities, information, etc.) and frustrated that I was born on Earth with humans! The strange thing was, when the "thing" kicked in, the human side was at the back of my head, pleading it to stop! (But, as I continue to live, the "thing" and the human side are becoming more and more interconnected, and hard to separate.) Whatever the "thing" is, it's a part of me, painful it may be. Nowadays, I get this sudden urge to leave civilization, this WORLD, and find who I really am (which is, of course why I'm posting this article)

What is the "thing?" Also, why can't I know about peoples very well when I look at them anymore? WHAT AM I? (Although I'm not sure if this is the proper article to post up here, I had nowhere else to ask...)