I have accepted that I am special since I was a little kid. Maybe another time, I will go into many more details, suffice it to say, I've had quite a lot of interesting "going-on's" to put it lightly. I believe that my biological mother passing when I was 3, due to a painful and sudden onset of cancer has in a way blessed me with many guardian angels, and as I've grown, I've noticed special abilities that I have.
Now I'm afraid that as I get older, I think I'm losing it all.
I've watched angels come down and save my life before on a few occasions, and like many here I've seen apparitions and silhouettes since I was a child. I knew my Grandmother died before anyone told me when I was 14, and I knew the prognosis of my other Grandmother was not going to be a fatal form of cancer last year.
I've lived in old haunted houses, in old haunted neighborhoods, and am used to going for runs at 3am or working out in the dark basement alone at night (complete with permanent streaked hand prints on the wall that re-appear after cleaning). I am used to sensing, sometimes seeing spirits around me, and using my well cultivated psychic experiences to protect me. Heck, some friends and I even held a seance at their haunted college back in the day (stupid, I know), and a spirit actually entered me. Had it not been for my friend at the time, who is incredibly skilled, bad things might have happened.
Now I think I've been so lax, that I'm spoiled into weakness. Last year, I moved in with that same former friend, and because of her obsession with safety, I know for a fact, she performed the standard wiccan cleansing and protecting rituals around our apartment. The neighborhood is extremely safe, and I never feel much of anything anywhere anymore. My roommate has since moved out, and my girlfriend (soon to be fiance) has moved in.
What brought me to this site, was two days ago, when she said as she woke up in the middle of the night, she heard the indiscernible chatter of many voices. I knew that this held very bad connotations. What bothers me is, I felt nothing. I never sensed any danger coming.
I have admittedly let my guard down. But I also don't know if my skills are increasing as well, because my requirements to focus have been lowering too. The last time I sensed much of anything was weeks ago, and it must have taken me half an hour to summon any sort of protective shield around us that was worth while. However, when I have sensed things away from my apartment., such as at my girlfriend's parents house out in the country, it really hasn't been that much of an effort to send it away and protect myself. I have also noticed my predictions being wrong more often. Yet this is coupled with a greater ability to focus my mind from stress, faster and more effective meditation, and a generally lower heart rate.
What does all of this mean? Am I getting slow and old? Or am I perfecting those few things that I'm actually using on a regular basis? What do I do to stay effective like I used to normally be?
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