Years ago, when I was very young and working away from home, I found myself pregnant with no where to go and no one to turn to, it was a pretty tough time. I lost the baby early on and was devastated by this. I never told any of my family about this as it was pretty shameful in my days to be pregnant and unmarried. I had many nightmares about going to hell for not taking better care, I suppose deep down, I blamed myself for the loss of my child.
Many years later my mum got cancer and I nursed her to the end, when she passed away I hid some little bootee's that I had made all those years ago for the baby in her coffin with a letter asking her to let me know if she found my child, and to try and let me know somehow. I always knew it was a boy from the day I found out I was pregnant. 3 months after mum died, I had a visit from her with my son, they held my hand and took me to the most amazing garden, we held hands and hugged, it was great to hold my son at last. I still hold the memory as if it was yesterday.
The next morning my sister phoned me and said she'd had this fantastic dream about mum, but she couldn't understand why she had a little boy with her, she went into great detail about what they were wearing and it matched perfectly to my visit, I broke down and cried, she was shocked when I told her he was my baby, we are now much closer than before.
I thank mum with all my heart, one for bringing my baby to see me and two for lifting the burden of the secret from me. But mainly, for showing me what unconditional love is really all about.
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