My Link to the Great White Fire

I was married to a band member of "Great White." We were married five years before ending in Divorce. After the divorce, I met someone... We had a child together, we named her Maya. Maya was 10 week pre-mature and spent 2 months in NICU. Maya came home in Feb 2003.

One afternoon, I felt very uneasy and seemed to be having what can only be described as panic attacks. Maya's father ran into an old friend earlier in the day and the two of them were meeting at a local cigar bar. I was already feeling uneasy, but to hear that I would be alone with my pre-mature baby... Well, I just knew as soon as her father left something terrible was going to happen. I could not explain what it was, but I told him "something is not right, I really feel uneasy about you leaving..." He said everything was going to be fine and I was just jittery about having the new baby home (she was hooked up to a breathing monitor so I would know if she stopped breathing). Still I was on the verge of sheer panic and had no idea why. Was it him? Would there be a terrible accident on his way to meet his friend?

It was so strong... I heard the shower turn off. I went into the bedroom closet and I hid. I knew he would not leave without me there. He called out my name, but I remained silent. Finally, after hearing him call his friend and cancel their plans, I came out of the closet. I told him how sorry I was but that I just knew something terrible was going to happen and I did not want to be alone. I also told him I prayed that I was wrong. We sat down in the living room and started watching TV. I flipped the stations and cousin Vinnie seemed funny.

The phone rang soon after... It was my mother... "Are you watching TV?" She asked. "Yea". She then told me to put on CNN. I did. There it was! The feeling turned into such sorrow. I started to cry... I was witnessing the very thing that brought so much fear into my soul. There was Jack on stage with fire all around. I realized it was my connection to Great White that brought the feeling of fear.

If only I could have known what was bringing on such emotional terror inside of me... Maybe I could have called someone... Would they think... "Hey, _______ ex said she felt like something bad was going to happen tonight..." "Maybe we should skip the pyro's"...