There's a lot to say, so first I must begin where it all started, the beginning.
My whole childhood I had felt not just strange or different, But flat out not human. I had very little friends (practically none) only 1 gal pal from 1st through 8th grade. I assume she was my friend because 1, I was super duper goofy and weird and she was very easy to make laugh, so perhaps I was just entertaining for her? Or maybe we really did have a close friendship, she was the smartest girl in class academically.
However, I was not popular. I was weird, nerdy, skinny, emotional, highly sensitive to everything. Yet I was to good at almost everything I did. Its strange, my abilities as a "human" far out reached other peoples.
I was faster than all the boys, taller than all the girls, more coordinated than anyone in my class, psychic to a point where I can just look at someone and know what theyre feeling or what thoughts are going through their head., I know what people need and want even before they themselves know it. I pick up on energy to easily. You just fought with your loved one before coming to work, but your putting a smile on and faking it? I already know, I read it on your energy and can see the sadness in your eyes.
I weird a lot of people out with my superp sense and hyper sensitivity. Now onto the story, fast forwarding to age 18. At this point in time, I had blossomed and came out of my shell, in another sense of the word. I was much less timid, more comfortable with the weird person I was, but still quite confused and estranged as to why I was this way, even if I had known it for a while.
Well one day, my brother and his friends at the time were all over at our house, there were about 3 other kids other than myself and him. One of his friends, I won't disclose names let's call him Nate. Nate had the idea he wanted everyone to try lsd. Now I won't get into that part because I do know that's illegal. Anyway, that was going on, And during this time nate looks at my brother and says "dude...your sister looks like an alien!" He immediately started laughing due to the hilarity of the current moment. But once he told me this, I got highly offended! An alien?! What? How mean. How could he say that
I looked like an alien?! Well, not to much time had passed between then and now in the story... I am still 18, almost 19 (In the story) and me and my brother had just gotten back from a rave called cupids revenge, it was a valentines day rave. It was close to about 2am or 3am, and at this point in time I had dyed my entire head of hair neon pink. So there I am, standing in my bathroom at 3am, (under the influence of lsd again) looking at myself in the mirror. And I see it... I look at myself and I'm not looking at my self, I'm looking into the face of a neon pink big green eyed ALIEN! I couldn't get over it! There I was, I was an alien. I can't even explain the feeling. I felt like I had never seen myself before. Just to give an example, I literally have an alien shaped head. Narrow jaw with prominent cheek bones, its sort of egg shaped (or alien shaped lol) accompanied with my neon pink hair, my big bright green eyes, I looked truley otherworldly. I was embracing my alien. Ever since I had this extraterrestrial experience, I have never been offended by people telling me I look alien. It now makes me smile, and reminds me of how truly unhuman I am. Rewinding now back to childhood.
Now apart from looking like an alien, I have had many dejavu feelings. One in particular, was a vision I kept having as a young girl, I was walking into a circular courtyard of stone... It seemd old, very old. However, I was walking into this courtyard of stone and I felt as if I had been there before, seen it, knew where it was... The folly of that was I was only 9 years old... How could I have possibly been somewhere I had never been? Still the feeling stuck and I felt in my soul as if I knew this place. One day my dad asks me if he wants me to go to a play with him, in downtown. (I lived in arizona at this time as a kid) he was in this play group type thing and received two tickets everytime one came to town. I just turned 10 and was transitioning out of the little kid phase into a young lady, so I thought sure, that kind of sounds fun. So I go with my dad to downtown Phoenix to the ORPHEUM theater, the oldest theater in phoenix I believe. We are waiting outside talking with the other members of our family that had come (aunts and uncles etc) and I walk into this circular stone area, and I freeze. This was it! The circular courtyard of stone, I was here! The feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. I instantly knew I had been here before, even only being 10 years old. At that moment, as a child remind you, I determind there was far more to this world than meets the eye, forces unseen. At 10 years old I disregarded religion and could immediately pin point all of its flaws.
Now to wrap this up. I'm 30 years old, I'm still just as alien as I was when I was young, now maybe even more so. Now that I am older and an adult, I do not feel even remotely human. The only thing that makes me human is the body my soul resides in. My soul is not of this earth, I'm not sure where its from, but definitely not earth. I look up into the vast black night sky glittering with stars, and I feel more home than I ever have on earth. When I look into space, I always feel like there is another life, on a distant planet, in an entire different galaxy, looking at this same sky I'm looking at, and wondering/feeling the same thing.
I felt like my soul has been on earth for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. I have been told I'm an old soul by many people. I've always felt this to be true. The older I get the more estranged I feel from the rest of humanity, like there truly is no place on this earth for me. Humans disgust and sicken me. And its only getting worse. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. Anyone else? I'd love to chat!
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