The Addict And Emt

I met her in 2015 while we were in college when things began between us. She was a former addict and was featured in a national news paper article a few years before about addiction. I remember when I read the story I could feel her and the pain she was in. I dismissed it then as me thinking "if she was with me this beautiful girl would be fine". I never thought about her again. When I met her years later the feelings of "I know her" came flooding in but I did not understand it. I just thought I had seen her around campus or town and there was nothing special about that.

Flash forward to New Years 2016 and this girl and I were a couple. Things were great, and we could not be happier. She explained her past to me and suddenly I felt pain and asked her about something that had happened to her a few years prior when she was married. She never disclosed she was married prior and I started to recall an event I was a part of that involved her. You see I have been an EMT for over 20 years and I treated her husband for an overdose. I made statements to her about the incident that were crystal clear. I have been on many overdose calls and none ever stuck with me including this. I knew she was there, but I was focused on the patient. We both looked at each other and just dismissed it as being a coincidence. We never really talked about that again and went on with our lives.

During the summer of 2016 she relapsed and I being me was trying to help the woman I loved get help. I vowed to stick by her and help her through the relapse. That is when the world changed for both of us and suddenly we became "connected". I had enough of her stalling to go and seek treatment, so I said I was done and was leaving her apartment. She went into her bathroom to shoot more heroin and something deep inside me told me not to leave just yet. Well an amount of time passed, and she never came out of the bathroom. That is when I kicked the door in and found her on the floor blue and unresponsive. CPR was started and 911 was called hoping my friends would get there quickly to save this wonderful person who was so full of like. It was during the agonizing twenty minutes waiting for help when the "awakening" occurred. The second time I lost her pulse I could feel her slip away from me. I could feel her soul leaving and an evil presence coming to take it. I have been around hundreds of people that were dying or already dead and never felt this before. Time slowed down like you would see in a movie with the long hallway effect is when the "connection" happened. I could hear her voice in my head saying how sorry she was to have done this to me and that she loved me very much. The evil feeling in that room also increased a million-fold with the room becoming very cold. This was a hot summer day and the apartment did not have air conditioning. The good news is she made it and was revived in time. The bad news is our world has never been the same since.

Not long after that incident she went to rehab and was forced to leave her apartment. I was tasked with getting her belongings out of the apartment and into storage. I had a friend who helped me and noticed how cold the apartment was in the room where I performed CPR. I also became ill and all my energy drained if I was in that room for a lengthy time. The same would happen to her mother. I would make comments on how the "presence" was still here and it felt like it was laughing at me. The girl would call me from rehab on a regular basis, but I would say before she called "she is in pain" or "something happened at rehab". I would also know somehow, she was about to call a few minutes before the phone would ring. Things like this would continue for a few more months.

I finally decided I needed to get away from her despite my undying love for her because we were going in two different directions. I could not deal with her relapsing a second time. I had zero contact with her for four months when the "connection" started again. I had an uneasy feeling that she was in pain again and that she was suffering. I decided to look online to see if there was anything reported about her and I found an article that she was arrested and imprisoned a month prior. That next day the feelings became worse when she suddenly showed up at my door looking for help. I made some statements to her and her mom about things that had transpired during our separation and I seemed to know everything that was going on. A few months later we separated for good because I was not going through that hell again no matter how much I loved her. That is when the dreams began and the feelings of her presence in public places started.

I never put much thought in dreams and just thought they were the brain's way of unloading all the experiences of a person. These dreams were different however and started to become increasingly vivid. On top of that I would be out shopping with family members or friends when I would suddenly know she was in the store or the mall. I would even seem to know where exactly she was in that store. This was proven when I sent my friend to the part of the store she was in and the girl was there. When this happened, I would feel that feeling of her despair and sometimes her love for me despite my "abandonment" of her. I mentioned to family recently that she was in pain, but it was joyous pain. I said she was having a baby and it was coming soon. A week or so later that family member saw her in public and she was very pregnant. The family member immediately called me to tell me this news and ask me how I knew this.

The dreams would usually start off with the two of us sitting facing each other but nothing would be said. We would always embrace but not say anything. These were followed by an incredible lovemaking session. Not really all that spectacular for unusual dreams. Recently however the dreams have intensified and have become incredibly disturbing. Now the entire night is usually telling each other that we are sorry for hurting one another. However, I can now feel all of what is in her mind. I can feel all her fears and incredible amounts pain and suffering. Her feelings of loneliness are incredibly strong as are mine. I see that day when she overdosed and her soul leaving for what I interpret as Hell. I can feel all the times she injected her veins with heroin after I left and her feelings of missing and needing me to rescue her. How she would wait for the phone to ring or a text message from me. I can feel the baby, but I cannot determine the sex and have no ability to feel its thoughts which would be cool. The nights these dreams are occurring are also increasing which I interpret the baby is coming soon. During the dreams I am also feeling like I am having an anxiety attack, but it is multiplied by a thousand. That feeling continues for several hours after I wake. The strangest thing is I will awake from the dreams several times throughout the night but when I fall back to sleep the dream starts where it left off.

I do not understand this, and I feel like my mind is ready to explode sometimes. I am so afraid for my self but more so for her. I never had this happen with anyone I have dated before or with people I was a lot closer to. What does all this mean? Is she really my soulmate and the true love of my life or is all this one big coincidence? Are my dreams really a longing for her that I have deep in my soul? I am so afraid.