I Want To Feel Free

I am 18 years of age, and a senior in highschool ever since I was a little girl I felt extremely different than others. It all started when I was small, I remember being somewhere where a higher individual asked me who I wanted my mother to be, and I chose my mom. I've never shared that vision with anyone else but her. After all these years I still feel as if she's the only one I can speak to about my experiences. Being a little girl I had some very harsh panic attacks before going to bed and I never knew the reason why. As I grew older I started to see the repeating number 33 and 11. I'd see them everywhere, and once I told my mom she told me she'd see the number 33 all the time as well. As time went by I started seeing the number 44 way more at least 20 times a day. I began to look into it and realized that it was my angels trying to get a hold of me and remind me that they are there if needed. I am a christian and love the lord Jesus Christ, but I also surround myself with Buddhas and things like that which help to keep me feel at ease. I like crystals and meditating, and I love to wonder which is all against gods word. Which leaves me in a state of not knowing whether to go deeper or stop. After going through depression, I started to feel energies, I knew who had bad intentions and who didn't, I knew who to speak to and who not to speak to, I knew what was going on behind what the person was showing. I started to see people for who they truly were which led me to become a loner and antisocial. I feel I do not belong with my peers because they were mostly not good people. I started to see sparks of light everywhere, on my skin, in the sky. I go outside and I never see just the sky I see everything that is floating in it. I've had sleep paralysis, I've had a very vivid person and archangel come out in one of my pictures, I've felt my phone vibrate knowing who it is while it being rooms away. I have random extreme anxiety attacks if something is emotionally going on inside any of my loved ones I can feel what they feel. I know when someone is lying. I sometimes feel this electric rush through my body when my mind is clear and I do not understand what I am nor what I'm here for. The more aware I am the more I hate school and the entire system. I want to be free but don't know how and now I feel like I can't speak to anyone because they do not understand. I feel lost again.