Ever since I was a baby, I've been regarded as "different".
My mom described me as a "strange" baby- I hardly smiled, I gave strangers weird looks and I suffered from multiple ear infections because I hardly cried and they could never tell that something was wrong with me. My parents even thought I was autistic. I've always felt emotions strongly. At the age of 1, my parents took me to a circus and I bawled my eyes out and screamed at the sight of a chained up elephant. These could all just be quirks, but some things haven't changed.
When I was younger, I used to feel random and intense feelings of empathy and sadness for people I hardly knew. In 1st grade, I met a boy on the playground and pushed him on a swing and then cried the entire way home. In fifth grade, I prayed for random people that I had unexplained emotions toward (I was religious but I'm not anymore). I know that empaths say that they feel other's emotions, but I don't know why these feelings affected me so much as a child. It was intense, scary and made me feel incredibly sad.
I often have been considered an "old soul" and I strongly feel like I'm not new to this earth. I am a loner and spend a lot of time alone in my room. I've also been diagnosed with ADD and depression. Sometimes I loathe going to school because of the intense negative emotions that I feel. I have few, intelligent friends and cannot be around people that aren't intelligent. As a child I had terrifying and prophetic dreams. I also read people very well. In addition to these traits, young children and babies are drawn to me but I clash with adults (I'm 18) and feel like I'm older and wiser than them. I'm not trying to sound arrogant and in fact suffer from a lot of self doubt.
The reason I wrote this post is because I have been interested in the spiritual aspects of life for a long time. I often feel very alone, and am incredibly depressed. I feel out of place and surrounded by negative energy. I want to be able to change that. I don't know why I feel such strong, negative emotions but I want to be able to channel any gifts I might have and surround myself with positive energy. I'm not sure if some of it might have to do with my parents (both have suffered from intense physical and mental abuse as a child) but they definitely carry a negative energy around them that makes it difficult for me to be around them (they're divorced though and I live with my mom). Many electric appliances have broken around my house and people have even joked about how my family should "get the house blessed". I guess I just want to know what it is I'm experiencing, or if it's all just a coincidence. Thank you in advance and for reading my lengthy post.
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