17 Year Old Medium

As a child I always seen spirits (bad ones) at night only but I never spoke up about it. When I was around 2 or 3 my mom's aunt, who is also a medium, told my mom that I have a gift. My mom never told me that until she believed me when I told her I saw spirits. I always would say that I seen shadows and she told me it was all in my head until I told her I seen my sister which she miscarried before me. She told me her name was Amanda and my mom never told me about her until that day. After that day things changed, I started reading my mom and sister's friends (unintentionally) and I was always right about what I would say. In the past couple of years I've been doubting my abilities for whatever reason and I kind of shut it out. Sometimes I really want my gift fully, but when I try I feel like I'm making it up. The things I hate about my gift is sleep paralysis, anxiety, and I'm scared of bad spirits. I want to do good with my gift, but I'm not sure how. I always try to "test" myself and see if someone at the store has loved ones that have passed and want to communicate and sometimes I do get something but not strong enough to go up to them. A few months ago while I was at church I got the feeling of just sadness and grief from some woman that was sitting diagnally from me. I felt like she lost a mother figure and the feeling got so strong I had to go up to her. When the service ended I went up to her and I asked her if she lost a mother figure in her life and she said no. I got really embarrassed and confused, but I'm glad she was cool about it and said it was probably a premonition. After that day I'm really discouraged about my gift and how to accept it. I need guidance, so if anyone has any advice for me please let me know.