I am a 24 year old, young woman. As long as I can remember, I have been "sensitive". As a small child (as far back as I can remember), I was able to feel people. Feel their auras, or emotions, clearly. I would have strange reactions to certain people, being really shy, or even hiding from them.
My entire life, I have had dreams. They would wake me, in a cold sweat. Other times, I would actually sleepwalk, or speak aloud, and in that instance I am in more of a trance, than sleep. I wake feeling exhausted, and sick, even after a full 8 hours of "sleep". When I was a teenager, I was able to recognize that my dreams were very lucid and not just bad dreams or good dreams. This plagued me in high school, as I was under a tremendous amount of emotional stress.
The more I saw, and felt, I would grow more anxious. Being in large crowds is extremely overwhelming for me. I can feel so many people, their emotions, their auras, it is almost unbearable. It makes my heart feel like it is going to explode, and my stomach ties into knots. I prefer small groups for this very reason, so I can manage the flow of emotion and feeling.
The other sensitivity I bear is seeing and feeling spirit energy. There are places that feel "safe/comfortable" and places that give me a feeling that makes me feel the need to run away, or be cautious.
There are only two people I talk to openly about my abilities. My younger brother, and my best friend are the only people I trust to listen without judging. Growing up, my mother treated me as an outcast. And at the peak of my abilities (11+) my mother had me committed to mental health hospitals, as she felt that I truly was delusional, or crazy. Needless to say, I no longer talk to my mother about these things. I was put on a long list of random psychiatric medications, in their hopes of "fixing my problem", but to no avail. For years, I dealt with medications that would cause severe reactions and/or sedate me. There was even a medication to suppress my dreams at one point!
Since I was of pubescent age, I have had a dream that recurs, at the least, once a month. In this dream, I can clearly sense an overall feeling of joy and true love. I am standing in the sun, looking into it when a man steps in front of me. I can't see his face, just his shadow, and his aura. We hug each other very tightly, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. The way he smells has always been the same and very distinct. The way he hugged me, also distinct. The dream fades off as we walk into the sunlight hand in hand.
I have been having that dream for nearly 15 years now. The reason I chose this particular dream to share, is because I recently met a man that I felt instantly drawn to. We went on our first date about a month ago. I had this same dream just two nights before our first date. It was an amazing first date. We laughed, talked, and he even hugged me goodnight. The hug was exactly the same as the man in my dream, and he also wears a very distinct cologne which is also noticeably similar to the man in my dream. I have not had this dream again since. I believe that I was meant to find this man. That there is a deeper reason to be with him. Almost as if it were destiny or fate.
There was one particular experience that happened a while ago that still astounds me. I was engaged once, and we were trying to conceive for about 10 months, but had no luck. There was an emotional strain on our relationship because of it, and we eventually fell apart. The man I began dating afterward was a great boyfriend, but we worked better as just friends. About a month before we broke up I began sensing life. It is honestly somewhat hard to explain, but it was like vibration in my lower belly. Seeing as I was always "safe", it seemed impossible that I could be pregnant. So I ignored the "vibrations" inside me, and continued on with my day to day life. Eventually, I noticed I was late, but considered it stress, and ignored my mind and feelings. About a week later, him and I broke up. Over the next week, I began noticing typical symptoms and took a HPT. It read negative. I continued using one every day for two more weeks, I just knew that something was happening in my body. I could feel it, and sense a child's innocence. Soon, after countless HPTs, and a couple weeks paychecks, I decided to see a doctor. I had begun to feel sad, and lost. There was an anxiety that I couldn't explain. I just didn't feel right, and felt as if something was wrong. I saw the doctor, and they did only a urine test, that also came back negative, and sent me home after refusing the blood test I had begged for. They told me to return in one week to take the test again. I went on, with the feeling of darkness looming around me for days. Exactly one week after I spoke with my doctor, I woke with an intense pressure in my belly that was nearly crippling. I knew after only a minute what was happening. I immediately called my mother, and an ambulance. Within 15 minutes I was at the hospital, being checked over. The doctor had told me that without proof of the hcG hormone, they could only prove pregnancy by sonogram. Unfortunately, I had to wait for the doctor to be free to do it. After about an hour, I looked at my mother and burst into tears. She assumed I was in pain, and called the nurse. I explained to the nurse that it was too late, I couldn't wait anymore. She told me to rest, and try to calm down. I refused, saying that I had to get up. At that moment my heart rate fluctuated, and I felt an intense twisting pain in my uterine area. I doubled over, and tried to breathe through it. The nurse called a free doctor into the room and debriefed her as to what I was there for. The woman did a short examination, and stated that I was indeed miscarrying. Moments later, it was over.
This experience was the strongest I have had yet. Some women will probably say that this is normal. That it is intuition or something. But the feelings and emotions I felt during that two months, overcame me. I KNEW the tests were wrong. And I FELT myself losing the baby before it happened.
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